Unrequited
The Truth About Love

THE DEFINITION

I never really thought about it until it was too late. I had always assumed that people would generally give you a chance if you were honest with them. I also thought that because it is necessary for both people to be in love for love to work, it would be impossible to actually fall in love without the other person loving you.

I was wrong.

It's true that love doesn't work unless both people are in it together, but that doesn't mean that one can't fall in love before the other. That, in turn, means that one could fall in love when the other is not interested. I guess it's all a matter of mixing up the right signals in the wrong way.

I'm still not exactly sure how I ended up so confused, but it happened, and I remain forever changed from it.

BACKGROUND

I didn't plan for it to happen, and I didn't even think it was possible in this situation. I mean, it didn't start out this way, and yet this is the way it is now. I guess I should fill you in on what the hell happened, because maybe then, I can explain it.

It all started with my love of music.

When I first came to CU, I immediately started to get involved with the campus radio station. As part of this, I spent a shitload of time down there. You have to volunteer at least 6 hours during each semester to remain on the active member list. In my first semester, I had roughly 80 volunteer hours.

I know. You're going to say "What the fuck??? That's a shitload!" Well, yes it is. But it was well worth it. Every Friday I had my only class at the radio station. So hanging out afterwards reviewing CDs was no big deal. I did my first 6 hours that way and that was all good and fine.

Every Fall and Spring, the radio station does a pledge drive because CU gives the station enough money to pay staff, but then charges the station for rent, water, electricity... etc. So generally we try to raise about $35,000 in 10-14 days.

During that first pledge drive, I lived in the station. I was down there every free moment, hanging out and chatting with people. I answered phones, ran totals in to the on-air DJs, and, sometimes, I just chilled. I spent hours down there reading and doing homework. It didn't matter. It was better than being back at the dorm.

The friends I had been hanging out with had alienated me (actually, only one of them had alienated me). My first roommate had moved out and his friends had stopped hanging out with me (which made me feel great). My friends on the 1st floor, while cool, only hung with me when we drank. And my friends on my floor were generally busy or uninterested in chilling 'cause they had work to do. Basically, I was turning my full energy towards the radio station in order to keep myself upbeat, and in all honesty, I loved it.

SIDE NOTE:
When joking with a devout right wing Christian, don't joke about Jesus being gay. Yes, he traveled around with 12 guys and bathed with John the Baptist, but he cannot be proven gay even though he said "Love thy fellow man." Devout right wing Christians don't like this kind of joking.

So it was during this pledge drive that my story unravels... yes, that's the right word.

THE BEGINNING

I don't know how often we worked together, but I ended up paired with a girl named Amy on phones several times. She was nice, certainly knowledgeable about the music, but I totally wasn't attracted to her (see where this is going?). She didn't even register on my "I'd date her" meter.

Somewhere in the course of things, I pledged some money to the station and got tickets to go see Elliot Smith. He rocks by the way. Amy had already bought a ticket, which I didn't know until she told me. (Note to Self: My Psychic abilities are not real.) In fact, she asked if I'd like to join her seeing as how I had tickets.

At first, I said no, but later I called her up and told her sure. I didn't think anything of it. It certainly wasn't a date. In fact, it would never be considered a date.

We went to the concert. And then to another. And then to a third. And so on. We caught maybe 5 or 6 concerts of various bands during the span of 3 weeks to a month.

We hung out on campus. We grabbed lunch together between classes. We chilled and watched cartoons. I came for her show at the station every week. In general, we grew to be good friends.

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